Flushed with excitement after my brief brush with celebrity

AS India Miller put the finishing touches to my 1940s-inspired hair-do, all I could think of was the fact that, minutes later, she would be rushing off to style the hair of Joely Richardson. Yes, that's right, a bona fide A-list celebrity. Joely and I had shared stylists. Ooh, maybe even a hairbrush and straightening iron.

You see, when it comes to celebrities, I have no shame. I love them. My home resembles WH Smith, E Entertainment is my favourite television channel and I nearly wept with excitement when I got tickets to the forthcoming Girls Aloud concert. So when I got invited to the world premiere of Edge of Love – and bagged after-party tickets too – I couldn't believe it. I was officially in celeb heaven.

To me, film premieres have always been the ultimate in glitz, glamour, free-flowing champagne and a magazine's worth of celebrities all letting their hair down. For one night only, I was going to be there too.

So no-one other than India – who has apparently styled the likes of Charlize Theron and Minnie Driver – would do to shape my locks into their very best and adhere to the "1940s glamour" dress code. While Keira Knightley was going to be in Chanel, I went for Chloe (from TKMaxx) and although Sienna Miller was set to plump for Christian Louboutin heels, I went for Zara's similar version. I was ready for action. Then, I got there.

Nothing quite prepares you for the reality of a red-carpet walk. Even if it is at Fountain Park's Cineworld. There was the sea of flashing bulbs and hordes of photographers from around the world all shouting out names and asking the select few "give us a smile".

There were TV cameras filming every move, presenters begging others to "answer a couple of questions", there were hundreds of fans jostling for a view, and a small army of security.

That red carpet lark is pretty overwhelming. Which is probably why Sienna chose to hide behind a black bowler hat, layers of kohl eye liner and lashings of mascara. And, up close, looked more nervous than revelling in the adulation of the world's media and fans.

Keira looked similarly tense, hiding behind her sweeping long fringe. I, it has to be said, was absolutely petrified. My graceful walk turned into a gallop that would shame horses, and I suddenly realised why shades are the accessory of choice for almost all stars: it's intimidating out there.

After more than half an hour of posing for pictures, doing short television interviews and chatting to fellow stars, the cast crew and A-list audience, including Joely and Sean Connery, headed for the foyer. No cameras, no mass of journalists, no fans. And this is where the real celeb watching began.

Wearing a rather bizarre tassled dress by Jasmine de Milo, leggings and heels, Sienna clung on to her sister Savannah's hand and chose to look at the ground.

Keira, however, was all smiles once inside. Much more beautiful in the flesh, the big screen doesn't do her genes justice. But it wasn't her looks that got all the attention, as she cut a lean figure in a chic ivory coloured Chanel jumpsuit. No more than a size zero, the star looked almost skeletal. And a glamorous Joely looked similarly tiny, wearing a full-length metallic gown.

You'd be forgiven for assuming that there is just one screening in a premiere, with guests and stars sharing the same theatre. Wrong. There were three screenings with the cast and crew getting their very own private screening. But that didn't stop them doing the rounds, coming into each of the screens and thanking guests for coming.

After the film (which was great by the way) it was on to the party, where another red carpet and photographers awaited. Guests mingled, ate stewed sausages and mash, pokes of fish and chips or Welsh rarebit, drank copious amounts and chatted about the film. It was all very civilised – unlike me, for I was all about the star spotting.

Around 10pm they arrived. While Keira happily walked in as did Joely, Sienna preferred to have a bouncer usher her straight to the VIP area, eyes still down to the ground. And there was no way any mere mortal could get in there; two burly bouncers snarled at anyone who came close.

So thank god for the smoking laws, for every skinny celebrity needs their nicotine fix and they have to go into the great outdoors with us Joe Bloggs. Pacing the smoking area eventually paid off, for repeatedly standing out in the cold and rain for a cigarette was a sad-looking Sienna who either stood on her own looking into space or talked quietly to friends.

Maybe she was thinking about her ex, Rhys Ifans, or pining after co-star Matthew Rhys. Well there was no chance of me asking as this little diva had security usher smokers to the other side of the designated smoking area.

Joely was much more open and friendly, chatting to fellow smokers. Sienna and Keira never sat together, Sienna preferring to sip champagne and eat nuts with her sister, with her back turned to the downstairs crowds. Keira, on the other hand, perched herself on a tiny stool and chatted, laughed and posed for pictured with friends, family and colleagues.

By midnight the dancefloor had warmed up and it was rumoured Sienna and Keira were putting in appearances. No such luck. I got bored and gave up, popping to the loo before I went home. Which was when I saw them.

Yes, while they may have their very own VIP area they still had to share the ladies toilets with everyone else. Well, me. Sienna may have got security to take her down, stand outside while she entered with her sister but they couldn't chuck out those already inside.

When it comes to the everyday things, stars prove endearingly human after all.