If you find the right formula you'll have a best friend for life

THEY say that friends are the family we choose for ourselves – a key ingredient to happiness, a must for success and the ultimate factor in our own life satisfaction.

Now we all know it's quality not quantity that counts, and fewer closer friends is far more rewarding than spreading yourself too thinly with a mass of fair weather mates. It sounds simple enough, but there are few of us who've always chosen right, fallen for the right person time after time and found those perfect best friends.

We've all got our exes. The childhood friend who was secretly having it off with our first love. The one who upgraded and left us in the cold. The competitive one who slowly became toxic. And the ones who were only the takers. But you live and learn – after all, there's no such thing as a formula to finding the perfect best friend.

Or is there? According to leading psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall there is a formula to finding our very own BFF and it comes down to trust, respect, consistency, empathy and low levels of jealousy and gossip. It's safe to say, a lot is demanded of friendships. In fact, the research revealed that two-thirds of men and women in the country believe dependability and honesty are the most important qualities in a friend. But it also unveiled we are a big bunch of pot-kettle-black hypocrites, with two-thirds of those questioned admitting that they had lied to their best friend or gossiped about them.

"It's clear that we expect a lot from our best friends, but perhaps we don't always treat them according to the same rules," says a spokeswoman for the study.

Now, while I'm no angel, I am fiercely protective of my carefully selected group of friends. I've lied for them, protected them, am a 24/7 shoulder to cry on and an agony aunt. I've become godmother to their children, bridesmaid at their weddings. I treat them as I would want to be. treated.

And like 26 per cent of those surveyed, I've been betrayed so much that I've never spoken to ex-friends since. Some things just aren't forgivable, let alone forgettable. So how can we bypass the dumping of friends – or being dumped? It's simple: Trust x Respect + Fun + Consistency + Empathy divided by Jealousy and Gossip.

Sienna's misunderstood
ONE person who clearly does need a perfect best friend is Sienna Miller. The poor girl is being slated on both sides of the pond for her topless antics – and the rest – with married actor Balthazar Getty.

Perhaps if she knew the formula she would have found someone who beat it into her that (a) getting it on with a taken man is just not on, (b) breaking up a family is the ultimate sin against sisterhood and (c) such antics will ruin her reputation and career.

However, while Sienna has been far from innocent and has left a string of devastated ex-lovers in her wake, the collection of bad jibes sent in her direction seems a bit extreme. In fact, during the recent after-party for the Edinburgh world premiere of the film, The Edge of Love, there was no arrogance. Quiet, subdued, nervous and extremely shy, the actress preferred to sit in a corner sipping Champagne than mingle with the masses. And when she did venture away from her table she held tightly on to the only true friend she seems to have – her sister.