SO there I was, microphone in one hand, glass of fizz in the other. Blonde curly wig cascading over my shoulders, cowboy hat perched on top. Sequin-strewn jeans and faux lizard skin boots completed the outfit. I was . . . well . . . quite a sight.
The television flickered and the words to Dolly Parton's hit Nine to Five, appeared. Suddenly the room was filled with Texan twangs – Edinburgh style – all belting out that the "bossman" was out to get them. The peculiar sound even seemed to be emana
ting from me.
I never thought I would be a member of one of those "hen parties" who dress in ridiculous outfits and get drunk. But when you have an old school friend about to marry and who is determined to celebrate with the help of her country and western heroine (yes, that's you Arlene Keith) then that's exactly what happens.
You don't get to your mid-30s without having been on several evenings of pre-matrimonial celebration, but this was a first for me. Here I was surrounded by 15 women of indeterminate age who had all done their best to dress like Dolly – one even had some plastic boobs shoved down her checked shirt to emulate the singer's finest assets – and were throwing themselves wholeheartedly into recording a CD, which is apparently to be played at the wedding (god help the other guests). Nine to Five, Mamma Mia and Jolene – renamed Arlene – were all "laid down".
It might sound like some people's idea of hell, and I have to admit to being a bit sceptical, but ultimately it was just great fun.
That was all fine and well while we were stuck out on an industrial estate in Loanhead. What was more concerning was the idea of eating and drinking our way along George Street and Queen Street in our rather noticeable outfits. You couldn't miss us – or the fact that we were a "hen party", two words which are used more derogatorily in Edinburgh these days than "Tory Party".
Read this paper and it becomes pretty obvious there's a lot of people who live in this city who think hen – and stag – parties should be banned. Some premises in George Street won't let them in while the pubs of the Grassmarket and Rose Street are loathe to admit that their business depends to some extent on such groups.
City centre Conservative Councillor Joanna Mowatt has said the hen and stag culture is now becoming a problem the "council might be forced to address" because of the problems it creates – and wants a study to investigate the economic impact they have on the city centre.
Even the Chamber of Commerce has said it's concerned the culture is spiralling out of control and could be damaging the Capital's economy.
But, in best cowboy style, whoa just a minute. Drunks are not always going to be from hen and stag parties. They're just as likely to be students, or in fact, anyone living in Edinburgh who drinks too much.
Admittedly no city wants to be known as the capital of hens and stags but I would contest there would be more damage to Edinburgh's economy – certainly now in these times of uncertain economic circumstances – if such groups were "banned".
People on such weekend outings spend an average of £150 each, with younger people the biggest spenders as 18-24-year-olds get through around £590 each – more than three times the average. Those aged between 35 and 44 – probably more the age range I was out with on Saturday – spend an average of £100 each.
Such money coming into the coffers of our city hostelries, restaurants, hotels and B&Bs is not to be sniffed at. Similarly, the hens and stags from elsewhere in Britain keep the numbers up at Edinburgh Airport thanks to cheap flights.
The last thing Edinburgh needs is for an important market sector to be deemed "unworthy". Hens and stags pack a powerful financial punch – as well as the occasional fisticuffs.
Their cash is no less desirable than anyone else's. And of course if they have a good time when they're here, they are probably more likely to come back in a different guise.
This is business our city should be welcoming and encouraging, rather than ignoring.
Thankfully for our hen party, we were welcomed with open arms at Mather's in the West End, Pizza Express (though there was strictly no singing, quite rightly) and then The Jam House. And I'd like to think that for all the wine consumed our upright behaviour would have made Dolly proud. As for the CD, well a copy might just wing it's way to Boogie at Forth. Who knows, we might be number one by Christmas.
Brakes on permit planAnother week, another split in the ruling administration at the council. This time the SNP have put a spoke in the wheel of the Lib Dems' plan to charge more for parking permits if the car is on the large side.
SNP group leader Steve Cardownie has said the plans could be "discriminatory" against poorer families, while Lib Dem and council leader Jenny Dawe has rubbished his party's "green" credentials.
What's more concerning, though, is that if the idea is to generate more cash for council coffers, it could backfire as officials claims that the proposals would actually result in a loss of income of £50,000 as more people would see permit prices decrease rather than increase.
Sounds like the wheels will come off this one altogether.
The full article contains 931 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
