DO they mean us? That was undoubtedly the indignant reaction of many proud Edinburghers at news of a study presented to no less a body than the Royal Geographical Society at its annual conference.
The study said Capital citizens were the most miserable in Britain. As if to twist the knife even more, the academics behind it added that Glaswegians are, by contrast, the life and soul of the party.
Cue outraged civic leaders waxing lyrical abou
t the city's culture, affluence, investment opportunities, vibrancy, political, financial and legal importance, and, of course, its picture-postcard beauty.
I may outrage them even more here by not-so-humbly suggesting they completely missed the point of the research which, in a nutshell, pointed out that while all the above positives about Edinburgh are true, they do not necessarily make for happiness.
I was born in Glasgow and raised on its outskirts but have spent far more time away from it, and the last 20 years or so in Edinburgh.
It doesn't make me an expert but it does grant me a certain objectivity towards both cities, and thus, more of a willingness to try to understand what the research was getting at.
Ironically, it's Edinburgh's very affluence that gives rise to misery.
Status is important in this town, a town characterised by professionals, banking HQs, courts, politics and private schools.
That side of the city is often presented as the norm. But of course, it is not. Normal to probably the majority of residents are council housing estates, benefits, hardship, challenges and maybe even understandable resentment at the constant boasting about the city's wealth, and the big cheeses and fat cats that can afford multi-million-pound homes.
Edinburgh is very much a city of haves and have-nots.
Without the folk at the bottom, there is no status for those at the top. If everyone can afford to live on Heriot Row, living there ceases to be a privilege.
Or, as the academics behind the study put it, unemployment does not necessarily lead to unhappiness, as long as your neighbours are also out of work. There's also a certain contentment in knowing that the only way is up.
On the other hand, when you have a typical Edinburgh lifestyle, the high- powered job, a large mortgage, expensive car, and two or three kids at private school, the pressure to not only hang on to what you have, but earn more and more, is phenomenal. Add a recession and widespread fear of redundancy, and who can be happy?
Attitudes in the west are different. The most successful, rich and accomplished professionals in Glasgow still have a little bit of socialism in their blood.
Perhaps it's a result of all those years when Glasgow was, quite inaccurately, portrayed as one large slum which has created the Glaswegian bond.
Indeed, only the misguided and the badly brought-up are snobs. In Glasgow, no-one with real class looks down their nose at someone less fortunate, or more to the point, just as fortunate and gifted but from a poorer family.
Despite a much larger population, you can count the number of private schools in Glasgow on little more than one hand. That is not, as some might think, because poor Weegies can't afford the fees. It is simply that the FP network doesn't exist to the same level, making it less important to be in the club.
As the old saying goes, Edinburgh has private schools, Glasgow has religion. Sectarianism can be cured, but there's no incentive or obvious reason to dispense with private schools, and in all likelihood they will expand and flourish. They are in with the bricks and why not? They suit our needs.
It may astonish some Edinburgh folk but Glaswegians are actually proud of their city, warts and all, rather than ashamed of it.
They do not spend their lives planning an escape route along the M8 to the Promised Land with the palace and the castle, though I for one am delighted to be here. I love Edinburgh. Home is what you make it.
The research is not criticising Edinburgh as a place to live, but simply pointing out a universal truth, something we've always known. Money and success, either for an individual or a city, can buy lots of things . . . but not happiness.
Can we get a refund? WELL, well, there's a surprise. It turns out that of the £1.837 billion raised last year in Scotland from so-called green taxes, only £460 million has actually been spent on reducing carbon emissions and helping the environment.
Interestingly, Fife – Brown territory – has been taxed most at £147.6 million, and Edinburgh is second highest at £114.7m. Across the country, that means we've paid £1.4 billion too much!
What chance of a refund from Honest Gordon?
The full article contains 816 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
