More computer comedy capers in IT land. Every morning, I sit down to an email diet of very nasty spam. My inbox creaks with offers of penis enlargement, "go for hours" pills and some truly grotesque pornography. The
Nigerian 419 cons seem almost whimsical in comparison.
And scotsman.com's system lets it all sail straight through. Our email system must shine like a beacon saying "come hither" to every piece of emailed filth on the net. It is in fact the Statue of Liberty of spam.
Given this libertarian attitude, imagine my surprise when my attempts to open a web page were blocked because of "nudity".
Had I made the mistake of following a link from one of my many mass email correspondents? My oh my, no. The blocked web page featured
Juvenal's 10th Satire (the one that mentions bread and circuses).
There is no nudity. It's plain text.
In Latin.
The nice people on the helpdesk have now unblocked it. But it reminded me of that time they blocked Billy Bragg's site for reasons I have never had explained to me. (Danger: may contain thoughts or concepts not officially sanctioned by the military-industrial complex?)
Despite all evidence to the contrary I assume that we did not purchase this security suite from the back of a broken down mule on the Afghan-Tajikistan border. But I do wonder: "Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?" (Before I am ushered from the building for mouthing pornographic utterings I should point out this means: "Who watches the watchers?")
Either way, thank goodness our cybercensor's reach does not extend to the pages of Professor Brian Harvey of Kent State University, Ohio. I say this because his hugely entertaining page on
graffiti from Pompeii does include all sorts of rude stuff written by the Romans. (Other sites that carry graffiti from Pompeii include
orbilat.com/Languages/Latin_Vulgar and … other sites that I cannot access because of our super-duper software.)
Some of what the members of the great civilisation wrote on the wall is dull but practical:
The city block of the Arrii Pollii in the possession of Gnaeus Alleius Nigidius Maius is available to rent from July 1st. There are shops on the first floor, upper stories, high-class rooms and a house. A person interested in renting this property should contact Primus, the slave of Gnaeus Alleius Nigidius Maius. Of course, property speculation in Pompeii was a risky business (not that the inhabitants knew that). The sad truth is that number of high-class rooms was a lesser factor in future values than the imminent arrival of pyroclastic flow from Vesuvius's belching mouth.
On the subject of fire, one correspondent felt the need to point out the blindingly obvious:
The one who buggers a fire burns his penis.I only pray that the individual who wrote this didn't feel the need to gather empirical evidence of this. Plenty of empirical evidence on other matters was being gathered by our classical forebears given these statements:
Hermeros screwed here with Phileterus and Caphisus.
If anyone sits here, let him read this first of all: if anyone wants a screw, he should look for Attice; she costs 4 sestertii.
Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.No wonder they didn't notice the volcano erupting!
One message is rather poignant given subsequent events:
O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin. Be careful what you wish for. If the scotsman.com building is buried under volcanic ash centred on the server room then you'll know I have fallen into that trap myself.
